Just Hold It All Inside
by DolphinsandBowties
Summary: Credit goes to Zuleora for the cover image. Check her out on DeviantArt. :) Sometimes I wonder how our favorite hothead really feels, so I decided to write a story for it. Rated T for depression, and some language.
1. Chapter One

_**Hey readers! So, here's the very first chapter of my very first fanfiction! I hope you guys like it, I've never written before. Please rate and review! No flames please! But do be very honest, I want to get as good as I can at this! **_

"Hey Raph! Guess what?" The orange-banded turtle seemed even more jumpy than usual, while the unusually calm Raphael gave a shallow sigh.

"What, Mikey?"

"I got you a present," the youngest turtle said in a sing-songy voice. With that, he proceeded to toss a box to his older brother, who had to slow his rooftop running to catch it.

When he opened the box, much to his dismay, several winged cockroaches scurried out. Raphael let out a little shriek- maybe it was more of a squeak?- and wiggled until he had rid himself of the creepy-crawlies, Mikey laughing his head off all the while.

"MIKEY! I swear I'm gonna..." Before the normally hot-headed turtle finished, he let out an exasperated sigh, and ended the conversation. Well, tried to, at least.

"Raph? Hellooo, anybody in there?"

"Yes, Mikey, I'm here."

"Well, then, get to it!"

"Get to.. what?", Raphael said, (as if he didn't know what his baby brother meant.)

"Aren't you gonna, kick me? Or punch me in the gut? PLEASE tell me you're at least going to swear revenge?"

"Mikey, I'm just- tired. Okay?"

"O-okay. Hey Donnie, wanna hear a joke?" The genius mutant gave a look of annoyance and desperation, but to who, may never be discovered.

After only a few more minutes of their nightly patrol, Donatello was just about to blow up at Mikey when, suddenly, their eldest sibling shot a hand into the air. The three turtles never took something like this lightly, as they immediately tensed up and brought out their weapons silently.

Leonardo pointed down into the alley beneath them, and they saw a gang of Purple Dragons, mugging a teenage boy. Fifteen, by the looks of it. He already had several bruises and a bloody nose. Thankfully, though, not in need of a hospital.

The turtles carefully made their way to the ground unseen, making sure that the boy did not catch a glimpse of them.

They remained in the shadows, this time seen, but unrecognizable by anyone who had never met them. The Purple Dragons knew, however. The four brothers waited in the darkness for the foolish thugs, who lunged at them, only to be counterattacked. The Purple Dragons soon fled, the boy running in a different direction.

"Yeah! Those cowards! We showed them! Didn't we guys... guys?" The fun-loving ninja was unable to finish his celebration, however, as Leo grabbed his brother's shoulder and gently but firmly turned his brother around. There, he faced what the others were seeing: a force of around 20 Foot ninja, ready to attack.

The fight began after only a few moments. The opposing side fought relentlessly. Raphael was matched up against two, three, maybe four, he had no idea. Everything was moving so fast, it was starting to blur. Either that, or it was that hit he had took to his head. He saw out of the corner of his eye his leader/brother, who seemed to have it under control.

"Hey Leo, you've gotta teach me how you do that! These guys seem tougher than normal. They're dodging everything I can dish out!"

However, as he said this, the blue-banded turtle looked over, taking his focus away from the battle in front of him. Consequently, he was sliced in the side by an enemy katana. It wasn't deep, but the blood loss was enough to make him lose consciousness.

"LEO!" The ninja armed with a bo staff called out his brother's name, to no avail. "Guys, we gotta get him outta here!"

Raphael had no problem with that. He was already at Leo's side, trying to both lift him and evade the attacks that kept coming.

By the time the other turtles had made it out of the alleyway, Raph was already halfway down the street. After what seemed like hours of pursuit, while in reality was only ten minutes, they lost the Foot. Throughout the chase, Leonardo had been slowly coming to.

Once the leader had deemed them safe, he turned to his brother.

"Raph! What the hell were you thinking? Couldn't you see I was busy!?" Raphael couldn't help but feel that the last sentence was more a statement than a question.

"I'm sorry Leo, I guess I was a little distracted." he said sarcastically.

"That doesn't matter! You can't talk to us during a fight like that! I thought you were in trouble!", he nearly screamed, still rubbing his swollen skull. The braniac and the baby of the family stood idly by, no doubt also mad.

_Heck, the only reason he's not screaming his ass off is he doesn't want to wake up the entire state a' New York, _Raphael thought despairingly.

Eyes downcast, the target of aggression didn't outwardly respond, resulting in an awkward silence. The turtles used this time to recover from the ambush until Leonardo suggested they move out. The oldest of them stared at Raph until he briefly met his brother's eyes, then gave a disapproving sigh before they moved out.


	2. Chapter Two

At last, the four weakened ninjas arrived at their home in the sewers. Donatello immediately went to the kitchen to get some ice for his injured brother, who took to the couch, followed by Mikey. Raphael ran to his room, focused more on getting there quickly than voicing his anger by stomping. Upon hearing their entrance, Master Splinter came into the main room.

"Welcome home, my sons. I take it the patrol went- what happened to you three!?", he said, trying to sound stern but with more worry in his voice. He ran to his youngest son, examining his wounds, before moving on to Leo and Don. "And where is your brother?"

"He already went to his room, sensei," stated the orange-clad turtle. "He's still mad, no doubt."

"Mad? What happened? Leonardo, your head-"

"It's fine, sensei, just a little swelling. Donny already got me some ice, see?"

"All right. Are you sure?"

"Yeah, sensei. We're fine, I promise."

Their master gave a brief sigh of relief. "Now. Will somebody please tell me what happened?"

Donatello gave the whole story (including Raphael distracting their leader), with him and Mikey chiming in every few sentences.

"Hmm. I see," said the rat, rubbing his chin. "Do you suppose he will be down anytime soon?"

"Master Splinter, he's just being Raph. He just needs to chill a little."

"Well... I believe you to be right, Michelangelo. This is his way of dealing with an argument."

"Exactly. So, anybody else hungry?"

"I'm starving!" Leo exclaimed.

"Same here." With that, everybody headed to the kitchen to eat.


	3. Chapter Three

As soon as they were finally at the lair, Raphael nearly sprinted to his room, trying to hide his all-too obvious fury. This was always happening. Always. He just had to go and screw everything up for everybody else. And then his brothers would scream at him. Mainly Leo, and sometimes Don. But could he blame them?

_Screw-up. _

_Freak. _

_Jackass. _

Every name in the book, he'd been called that. A few by his brothers, more by enemies... but the worst names, those were the ones he called _himself. _Because they were true. And he knew it.

He loved his brothers, he really did. But somehow, he constantly managed to get them into danger. He wished he could just skip the night patrols, but dared not ask Splinter, for two reasons.

One, he would most certainly say no. Two, he didn't want to arouse suspicion. He knew his brothers wished he wouldn't come. He just didn't want them to _know_ he knew.

Sometimes, he even wished that he could just get his life over with. But he couldn't do that. Not to his brothers, or his father. He knew they loved him. Right? But he was just_ always causing problems_. He just couldn't stop, no matter how hard he tried. He put his shell against the side of his bed, and slowly slid down into a pathetic heap on the floor.

Then he thought of something. When one of his family was going through something, they dealt with it in their own ways- Leo would train excessively, Don would stay in his lab and work on new projects. That was a pretty good thing, too. Donny was the reason they had most of the technology that they did. Splinter would meditate when he was having troubles, and Mikey would play video games 'til he fell asleep. He usually forgot all about what was bothering him by morning.

And Raph, he had his own way too. He had been doing it for quite some time now. He was ashamed of it, but it eventually became like a drug. His family could never find out. He didn't know what they would do, but he did know that it wouldn't be good. When he was sure that they were all busy, he looked up to his nightstand, and saw the familiar blade. And then he picked it up.


	4. Chapter Four

_**Hey guys! I just wanted to thank everybody reading this for staying with me. I'm glad that you seem to like it! Reviews will be really appreciated, remember! Especially constructive criticism. **_

"Woah." Michelangelo stared at the sky above him in awe as it filled with colors of red, white and blue. His eyes grew bigger and brighter with every light that entered the polluted sky.

"I love fireworks," stated the brilliant mind of the group.

"I love the Fourth of July. Too bad we can't celebrate it in the park like everybody else."

Raphael just sat down, his American flag relaxing on his leg. He had begun the night much like his brothers, cheering and rejoicing. But now, he was just content with the fact that he hadn't screwed anything up. He hoped it would stay that way for the rest of the night.

"Raph, you okay?" This was strange. Normally Leo couldn't pick up any clues when something was bothering Raphael.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a lil' tired, is all." This time, he wasn't lying. It had been a long day. They had to fight off a gang of robbers from mugging Mr. Murikami. They weren't Purple Dragons, but they were skilled nonetheless. Heck of a way to spend Independence Day, right?

"Okay, then. You can go home if you want to."

_Nice. He couldn't have been more obvious. _He let out a little sigh, unheard. _Just ignore it. _

Mikey was frantically waving his two flags in the air, one per hand. "Whoo! I love the ones that fizzle after the explosions."

But Raph didn't hear him. He was lost in his own little world.

_I'll never be good enough. Never. I try and try, and nothing ever happens. Maybe, just maybe..._

He only realized it subconsciously, but Raphael had started to slide down the edge of the building, feeling the cool summer air against his legs, formerly against nothing but the concrete roof.

_Almost over. Almost over. Almost over..._

"Raph?"

This jerked the turtle back into reality. What the hell was he doing!? He didn't want to die- well, he did, but he wasn't just going to-

"Raph!"

_Dammit! He found me out! _"Y-yes, Leo?"

"You sure you're okay?"

_Thank God! That was close! _"Yeah, I'm good. Told you, just tired."

His little brother yawned. "Well, he's not the only one! Mikey's already asleep!" The three brothers turned to look at their dozing baby bro.

"Donny's right. We should head home soon. And look, here's the finale!"

The violent explosions jerked Michelangelo awake. "Wha- what? Guys?!"

"It's okay, Mike. Just the fireworks," Raph reassured.

"Mmm-hmm," Mikey replied lazily. He was going to fall back asleep soon.

Once the finale had ended, everybody was eager to get home. Except the exhausted Mikey, who suggested they sleep topside so they didn't have to walk back. The others practically had to carry him to the lair.

_That was too close. What was that all about? Idiot! I didn't do it on purpose... I don't think. _

With that, Raph slowly followed his brothers, each more exhausted than the next.

_**So, what do you think? I'd like to thank **__**Ninjanoodles27**__** for being my first reviewer! So.. thanks! :)**_


	5. Chapter Five

_**Hey guys! So, I just wanted to thank everybody again for staying with me. I'll try to update at least three times a week, but you know how teachers can be! XP Just kidding (love ya Mrs. Conrad even though you won't read this :))! Don't forget to review! **_

"Hey guys," said April, walking through the lair entrance.

"APRIL! Uh, how's it going... you_?_"

"...Donny. So, guys, what's up?"

"Nothing much. We haven't had any crime to deal with in a couple days," replied Leo.

"Yeah. It's getting TOTALLY boring around here. Especially since Raph is so dull now."

"Yeah, Raph, you okay?" asked the inquiring redhead.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? I'm fine. I just.. spent a little too long training yesterday, is all."

"THAT'S hard to believe! Ha ha!" The orange-banded turtle jumped several feet backwards, dodging the incoming attack by... the guy.. sitting on the couch. He considered himself lucky, and elected to ignore the lack of response.

"So, watcha guys wanna do?"

"I don't know, April. Maybe just play some video games?"

The 16-year old shrugged. "Okay, Donnie. Your funeral."

"Ooh! Third-degree buuuurn!"

"Clam it, Mikey. Don't worry April, I'll take it easy on you."

_**10 minutes later**_

"...You beat my high score."

"Donny, the only turtle your high score beat was Spike," the predictably hyper jokester pointed out, without regret.

"Yeah, and that's just because his score never got backed up."

"Raph?"

"Yeah, Don?"

"Shut up."

_And, there I go again. I think Donny just had his best idea in a loong while. _

"Hey, guys? I'm gonna hit the hay a little early. I'm still tired from all that training. I need some sleep." With that, he turned towards his room. He wasn't sure, but he thought he heard Mikey mumbling something.

"Yeah, like he does anything else."

This only made him walk faster. _I wonder what they'd do if they knew what I was really up to last night. _

He looked at the blood stains on his floor, then at the blade. _I'll have to clean that up._ But that wasn't why he was so tired. Now, he changed his gaze to the half-empty bottles of sleeping pills, sprawled out over his bed and his floor.

_I was so close to dying last night, _he thought bitterly. _I didn't mean to, I just- wanted to get away for a while. From everything. _He talked to himself like he was trying to defend his actions to someone. _I wanted to be somebody who people **wanted** to be around. Somebody my brothers looked up to. Somebody who was worth living... _

He then looked down at his scarred arms. _I'm lucky that they never notice them.._ Now, he picked up the bottles, and carried them back to the bathroom. Mikey might need them if he has another nightmare tonight. He would notice if they were gone.


	6. Chapter Six

_**Hey guys! I am soooooo sorry, it's been sooooooo long since I updated! You know, finals and all... I graduate from middle school tomorrow! :P But mostly, I was completely stumped on what should happen next, so I decided on this. I hope it's good! :)**_

A couple days later, or, more precisely, a week, Raphael was out on a patrol by himself, seeing he needed to get some time to himself outside of the lair. He could think when he was by himself at home, but it was difficult. He could hear his brother's antics, and it was a little cramped. There certainly wasn't any fresh air in the sewers. He supposed that was a big reason Master Splinter had that tree in the dojo. Of course, this was New York. It's not like there's much fresh air out there, either.

Raphael honestly couldn't comprehend how humans had made this place so bad, with all the pollution, and the litter. Judging by what he saw on the TV, it was just as bad almost everywhere else, some places were even worse off. Spike had certainly seen his share of pollution. Raph remembered one time when he was little, he had taken his turtle out for a walk, and turned his head for just a moment. When he turned around, Spike had munched on something that he found. Raph had no idea what it was, probably because he didn't want to think about it. But it made Spike really sick later on. Raphael had no idea how Donny had been able to save him. His brother was just awesome like that, he supposed.

Suddenly, Raphael was interrupted in his thoughts by an ear-piecing shriek. He look around, and in one of the many alleys below, he could barely make out the top of what looked like Snakeweed's head. He heard dialogue between the enormous plant and the victim, who sounded like a young man.

"Hey there, Rocky. Remember me?", rasped the villain.

"Wha- it talks!?"

"It? IT!? You're telling me you don't remember me!?" Snakeweed threw the man against the brick wall. After recovering, the man spoke:

"What are you talking about? Who- WHAT are you?! Please, just leave me alone!"

"I'm gonna make you sorry you ever messed with Snake!"

"Snake... it CAN'T be... Snake is a man!"

"Yes, it can be! It is! You traitor! You snitched me out! But I promise you, you won't ever 'snitch' again..."

"No, wai- aggh!"

Raphael jumped into the alley, aiming for his enemy's head. "Hey! Leave him alone!"

"Turtle! This doesn't involve you!" At that, the monster threw the ninja onto a roof. "But now you're next!"

Raph couldn't make out what he was saying, dazed from the impact to his head.

"Now, where were we?"

"No- stop- no!" Snakeweed grabbed the only human at the scene, and made sure his demise would be painful and agonizingly slow. He picked him up by the neck, and slowly tightened his tendrils around the man's throat. Finally, just as Raph was coming to, the man ceased all muscle movement. Snakeweed slowly turned around, and came for the stumbling reptile.

Suddenly, the two heard a car's engine, and Raphael ducked, while Snakeweed dumped the body into a dumpster, climbed a nearby building and fled.

The Ford Fiesta turned a short way into the alley and flicked on the headlights. Seeing nothing of concern, the driver sped away.

Raphael was already making his way down to the ground, not caring about who saw him. Thankfully, though, nobody was around to. He hastily pulled the man, who looked about 20 or 25 up close, out of the dumpster.

He immediately checked for a pulse and, finding none, quickly began CPR. He continued for several minutes before slowly realizing...

_No, no, NO. _Raphael thought back to Donny's lessons on First Aid, and wished he had paid more attention. But, he didn't think that he could do much more in this situation other than what he already was. He didn't exactly have an AED handy.

He decided to continue CPR, but after two more minutes or so, he couldn't go on, no matter how much he wanted to. By then, he had come to accept that the man was gone...

_It's all my fault. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. _Raphael held the lifeless corpse of the human for only a few minutes before the tears started falling. Being Raph, he hated crying, at least his own. But there wasn't anything he could do to stop them coming. He couldn't even try.

"I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry! You have to forgive me!" Raphael actually half-expected a response, which he obviously didn't get.

He stayed there. For several hours, actually. He couldn't seem to do anything else. He couldn't get up, he couldn't think straight, he couldn't even keep his breathing normal for more than five minutes.

But most of all, he knew he would never be able to forgive _himself_.

Finally, after losing track of time who-knows how long ago, he found the strength to stand up and make it home.

_**So, there it is! I have the next chapter outlined already, so it shouldn't be too long 'til you guys get that one too. Again, I'm sorry I took so. Freaking. Long! Please review! And remember, be honest. I want to get better at this!**_


	7. Quick Author's Question

_**Hi, everybody. Yes, I know, it's been forever since I updated. I just got kinda- stuck. I'm not sure what should happen next. I have the ending in my head, but I'm not sure if I should post it sooner or later. I think maybe a few more chapters should come and a few more events happen before the climax, but I'm not sure. I'm worried that not doing so would make the story move too quickly, but I'm also worried that any chapters I put in before the climax will just be crappy fillers. So, it might be a little while longer before the next chapter, depending on what the reviews you guys give me say. :(**_

_**So, what do you think: wait a little longer, then I add a few more chapters and risk them being poor? Or get straight to the good ending chapters, but then that's it? Let me know in the reviews! Remember, it's ALL up to you guys. So please, review! **_

_**Love 'n' Hugs, Tammy**_


	8. Chapter Seven

_**Hey, I am sososososososososososo sorry! It has been forever since my last update! :( I kinda rushed this one, just a little bit. But I have listened to what you guys have said so far, and am thinking of continuing the story (I was definitely going to finish it, just wasn't sure how long I should make it). So... enjoy! **_

Raph ran into the lair, hoping to get past his brothers and Sensei. Unfortunately for him, that wasn't going to happen.

"Raphael!" He stopped, then cringed.

"Yes, Sensei?" The other turtles were silent. Raph couldn't blame them, Splinter was scary when he was angry, they all knew that from personal experience.

"Where on Earth have you been?! Why have you not been answering your communicator?"

The mix of concern and relief in Splinter was well-masked, but everybody except for Raphael could see it if they tried.

"I'm sorry, Sensei. I- I must have left my communicator on my nightstand."

"That is no excuse. You must-"

"Chill, everybody. I'm just glad he's back." Mikey started moving towards his brother for a hug- Raph HATED hugs. He started to back away, but Mikey was determined. "Aw, come on bro. You know you wanna hug- me.." Now, it was Mikey who seemed hesitant. "Dude... Why is there blood on your shell?!" This caught everybody's attention.

"Raph?"

"It's.. not mine?" This answer obviously wasn't enough for his brothers and Sensei, who continued to glare questioningly.

"It's just some from the Kraang. I- got into a little fight with them. That's why I took so long."

Splinter raised an eyebrow, but chose to let the matter slide. His other three sons, they were sufficiently fooled by the hothead's story.

"So, that's it?" Leo asked.

"Yes, Leo. That's it," Raph returned, gritting his teeth. The room felt awkward and quiet as everybody took in what Raph said, until he broke the silence. "Uh, guys? I better get to bed. Otherwise tomorrow's gonna be hell." More awkward silence. "So... 'night!" This time, he turned around and jogged to his room.

"Sensei? Did something seem.. "off" about Raph?" Donatello was worried, and unlike their two older brothers, he and Mikey weren't afraid to show what they were feeling.

"Hm. Perhaps something is wrong. But, it is most likely just fatigue. We will see if he has made any improvement in the morning."

"I hope so. Something was definitely wrong with him," Mikey said.

Splinter knew that, and was sure that whatever was bothering Raphael, it wasn't just tiredness. But he didn't want his other sons to worry unless he knew for sure that it was something to be worried about.

But in all honesty, he wasn't worried. He was really, really scared.

_**Welp, there it is. Don't forget to review! :)**_


	9. Chapter Eight

_**Hey! Sorry it's been so long. :/ But I'll try to stay on top of it, I promise! Tomorrow's Sunday, and once my homework is done, I'll right get to work on the next chapter. **_

Raph ran to his room, and didn't stop until he was behind the door and had it slammed shut. _Holy shit, _he thought, _what did I do? _

He walked over to his closet, and rummaged through several boxes that were way in the back. _Where is it? Wait- here it is. I can't believe I'm doing this. _He pulled out the smallest box. It looked like it hadn't been opened in years. He slowly took the lid off, and inside, there was a little brown teddy bear, with a red bow. _Why did I keep this again?..._

_**Flashback**_

"_What's in the box, Sensei? Did you bring presents?" _

"_Maybe... let me see what I have in here." The old rat smiled, while the five year-old turtles bounced up and down with excitement. _

"_Hurry! What did you bring?" _

"_Oh, nothing much..." At that, he pulled out four different toys, one at a time, while the boys "oohed" and "ahhed" incessantly. "Alright, for Leonardo: A book full of ancient Japanese folklore." _

"_Wow! Where did you get this! Thank you!" Then the little turtle picked up the book, and ran straight to his room. _

_Splinter chuckled, before moving on to his next son. "Donatello, for you a got a remote-controlled car. I also found a few batteries." _

"_This is awesome, Sensei! Does it still work?" _

_The rat smiled, and said, "I decided to let you figure that out." _

"_You're the best, Sensei!" The budding genius ran over to his father and gave him the biggest hug he could muster, before bringing his new toy to the couch. _

"_What'd you get for me, Master Splinter?" Mikey hopped up and down, begging to see his gift. _

"_Hmm... that's too bad. Sorry, Michelangelo, it doesn't look like I have anything..." The little turtle's eyes started to well up, and Splinter said, "Except perhaps this comic book I stumbled across in the sewer." _

_Mikey's face immediately lit up, and he grabbed the comic book and plopped down to read it right where he was. _

"_Raphael, for you I got... this!" And he pulled out a worn teddy bear, with an old red bow around it's neck. "I saw the color of the bow, and it made me think of you. _

_Raphael (or as his brother's called him then, "Raphie"), absentmindedly reached up to touch his bandanna. _

_Mikey saw his older brother's gift, and thought it was amusing. "Haha! Hey Donnie! Big, tough Raphie got a teddy-weddy!" Donatello barely glanced up from his gift, and didn't give much response other than a "mmph" before going back to work. _

_But Raphael could feel his face getting hot anyways. "Uh, thanks, Sensei, but that's okay. I don't really want it." _

_Splinter gave his son an understanding smile, and said, "Alright, then. I'll find another use for it." _

_Later, when his brothers were asleep, Raphael went into his bedroom to get some rest himself. And there it was- the teddy bear, with a note from Splinter:_

"_Here you are. Don't worry- I won't tell." _

_The turtle turned around, opened the door, and checked the hall for his brothers. Once he was sure he was alone, he ran over to the bed and gave his bear a great, big squeeze. _

Raph shook himself back into reality. Holding the bear at arm's length, he debated what to do with it before finally hugging it to his chest and crawling into bed with it. "I just want it to stop", he whispered, eyes streaming, "I just want the pain to stop..."

_**There you go. :) I haven't really been getting any writing tips in the reviews... somebody tell me how to make this better! :O Love you guys. 3**_


	10. Chapter Nine

_**So... yeah. Been a month since I updated. I was SOOOO confused :/. But here it is! Tell me if it seems forced, 'kay? Love you guys :)**_

Fighting had always come naturally to Raph. Well, it had before everything turned sour, anyways. But today, fighting the Foot really seemed to take his mind off of everything happening. But he couldn't say the same for Donnie or Mikey- they always had more trouble in combat than he and Leo did.

"Hey, Mike! You need some help there?"

"No thanks, Raph! I think I- gah!" Mikey let out a squeak as four more Foot Ninja moved towards him. "Scratch that! Scratch that! Help!"

"I got it, Raph!" Leo reassured his brother before moving towards the other to lend a hand. He swiped at a ninja or two, and Mikey knocked a few out himself.

"Guys! Little help my way, please!?" Raph jerked his head around to see Donnie being cornered by six, seven, maybe eight Foot. And he was backing towards the edge of the building-

"Aaaaah!" Donnie screamed as he was pushed off the building by an enemy armed with a bo staff.

"Don! Hang on!" Raphael ran faster than he ever had to the edge, punching several Foot out on the way. "Don?!" He swung his head, looking down at the alley below.

"I- I'm okay! I got hold of the fire escape!"

Raph let out a sigh of relief, so did Mikey and Leo. "Here, I'll pull you up," Raphael said, offering an arm up to his baby brother.

"Ugh. Thanks- Raph, what's on your arm?-" But he was interrupted by their leader shouting,

"Guys! Focus! We've got some more!"

They handled the last few easily. Raph thought the Foot must be pretty stupid- they just watched their "colleagues" get the crap beaten out of them, when there were more than five times the amount of Foot Ninja than there are now. And yet, they still thought that they had more of a chance than the others did.

Panting, Leonardo asked Mike if he was okay, but Donatello turned to Raphael.

"Raph?"

His brother turned, "Yeah, Don?"

"Show me your arm."

"What? Don, what are you-"

"Show me your arm!" Raph just stared blankly for a moment before his little brother seized his arm. By now, they had Leo and Mike's attention.

Don looked up and down the underside of Raph's arm, before looking up at him. Concern evident in his expression, he asked Raph, "What happened?" Raphael started to stutter, before Don asked again. "What. Happened?" He gritted his teeth, and looked ready to yell. Don _never _yelled. "Raph. Did you..." He gulped. "... do this?"

"What? No! No way! Why would you think..." He didn't finish his sentence, and now even Mike and Leo looked scared.

Don spoke up again. "Raph. I want you to look me in the eyes, right now, and tell me these aren't from you." Raphael looked up at Donatello, and when he shifted his gaze back to the concrete roof, Don screamed, "Raph! Tell me this wasn't you!" His eyes got glossy, and his voice was cracking.

"Don-" Raph looked towards his other brothers, before returning his gaze to the ground beneath. He looked ready to cry.

"Raphie? What-" Mikey didn't finish his sentence, and instead looked at Leonardo for what to do. But this time, not the first time, but still a rare occurrence, their leader was stuck.

_***Deep breath* Well, I COMPLETELY switched around the story. This is not what I was planning this entire time, but this is what came out. This chapter feels choppy, so tell me how I can improve that for the next chapters. Let me guys know what you'd like to see, and I'll think about it! :)**_


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